Carpe Diem

Time passes quickly. And chances too. They say you won’t get many chances in life but when I look around I see them chucking out innumerable chances. I’m familiar with the veil that wrapped opportunities within it. I know it to be fear and lack of spontaneity.

I felt that today in me and even in a person who is full of vibe. Today I should have smiled and waved. But I didn't. I guess I would have to live with the feeling that I was presented with the rare chance to break the ice with an old friend and I, standing immovable, just watched it pass off. 

While coming home I heard me saying ‘seize the day.’

Clipped and caged

People, especially the parents, should learn the difference between dictating and guiding.In some recent turns of events I am being acutely aware of the fact that most of them molded the idea of guiding in their own whims.  

All his life the child has been dictated by his/her parents and he thought it is good to abide by them. Suddenly he eavesdrops that he is too immature and does not know how to take any decisions, even he doesn't know what he likes. Yeah, he gains that miraculous piece of knowledge from his parents. He felt anger burning in him but he couldn't say a thing. He couldn't understand for what the anger arises. He had always been told what he could love but nobody ever told him what he might hate. He knows perfectly well what he cannot do but has no clue about what he can. He was never taught how to shout at things he might find mean. And he sensed the feeling, which he is pretty well acquainted with, overwhelming himself. He felt helpless just like the other days. He wanted to scream at someone at something but instead he screeched burying his face in the pillow all night. He kept up a brave face but if one watches closely can see sullenness gleaming in his eyes. And the sullenness grew darker each day. You can find a part of him in the numb souls that love their gloomy room, that don’t talk to anybody else and that have ever visited a therapist. 

“ And so,
 Because some place,

Somewhere,

At sometime,
Somebody,
Told him,
He couldn't fly,
He never tried.
He had huge,

And beautiful,
Brown and white wings,
That is true………
…One day,
He even forget he had wings,
Forever and ever,
Amen.”
- Salena 'Saliva' Godden  

To Sir with Love

Those banal 10 digits are wrong. And I felt relieved. And sorry. Never get a chance to say how much I owe to you. I loathed myself. 

Yet another goodbye

I look back now and it seems just yesterday college started and feeling rather lousy I ran away from those yellowish buildings. I often bunked classes and took shelter in the nearby coffee-shop, with a cup of warm coffee trying hard to escape from everything that reminds me of the present. And after the fleeting three years, the feeling that college is over hasn’t really sunk in yet! It’s time to say goodbye to those familiar bright faces. We all, suddenly thrown out of the lovely corner room of the second floor, are preparing to face the ugly big bad world outside. Standing on the Crossroads of life. Again.

I didn’t pay heed to anything that came along with the college life. But now I realize how much fun I had in these three years.

It all started with the famous mass bunking on a rain washed day. And the ‘snobbish’ (quoting someone) English department bonded over “Dhan te nan”. I can bet the voices said “finally” in each head that day.
College seemed to be not as bad as I thought it to be. It’s ironic that no matter how much you hate something at the beginning, once you get used to it when it’s time to leave you’ll falter.  If someone had told me three years ago that there would be so many memories and the college would give me friends that I can count on, I would have most probably throw them a have-you-gone-mental look. But Time is something that always makes the usual, unusual.
When I recall my college days I see myself sitting by the window of the departmental room during monsoon, running to ‘dhapi’, gossiping, jamming and performing onstage and sometimes being tortured by some adorable professors.

The first -year projects, and those never ending jamming sessions during second year fill my head with so many memories that it’s just overwhelming. And then came the Shantiniketan trip- 3days of complete heaven. It’s an utter loss that I cannot go on detail into this part. Yeah fellas, I’m grinning.

And tomorrow may be the last time I’ll go to college as a student. It’s time to leave it behind and hold onto the lovely memories.

Arrivederci, yellowish buildings. Adieu, the endearing room, peeking onto the Jewish cemetery. And dear friends there will always be the room number 12 in us. It’s never a goodbye.

The Bitch I Miss. A Lot.

I met my chaddi-buddy after a long time. You might say that I was avoiding the encounter because I knew the upshot all along. She was the one who spoilt the impeccant mind that once I held dear and literally became my Guru...umm… Guruma, I guess!
I can say proudly that whatever I learnt-regarding certain vistas of life- is from her master-blunders! A free-spirit, a rebel, a dreamer who often slammed me for being too good to be true (But now I know she did that as she had already detected that Black Swan in me).And at some point or other I hated her! And then again she is the one with whom I had the best ‘addas’…the best ever! My best bitchy girlfriend.  I still miss the girl who mollified the fear of the extremely ‘chapofied’ me (school-stuffs, you know, badass teachers and all) and made me burst into laughter within a few minutes.

And today when she came to me and started talking, all I could hear is “Blah,blah,blah” or more precisely the exact noise that  Barney comes across whenever Ted starts blabbering.
And this was the acrid truth I knew I would have to face. It’s not her fault, not mine either. May be in the numerous seasons of the daily soap called ‘Life’, some people goes ahead, their paths diverge and from closest pals they become old acquaintances! But it is those happy seasons that you keep close to your heart, the seasons which you can never rerun!

Indeed a nitwit..

I was wallowing about the motto “go by the instinct” just a few days back. But sometimes following your instinct hurts, hurts bad. And then I experience exactly what they say “sushtho sorir ke byasto kora”.
But then I feel like besh korchhi, whatever frigging things I’m doing I’m doing to myself!
And I’m enjoying it. Man shedding a few ‘precious’ tears or being delirious and doing something rash are much better than just bumming around!
My new mantra has changed to “Chobbo bina chyan kahan re….!”
From “karma is a bitch” to this wacky new one, I must say, a fagging journey!
My best friend must be proud of me. I am!

P.S. Gawwd, what have I just written?!
Oh! I get it, I think this post epitomizes the term DEMENTED RAVINGS.

No-nonsense

Today, out of the blue, I had the misfortune to encounter some old stuffs (it’s been a virtual encounter. Thank god for that!) I got perplexed for good measure. But duh, I sense the nonsense in me (it’s a very recurring case indeed!)

And it’s actually GRAET. Now if I look back I feel excessively pleased for being what I am now, at least at this instant I’m feeling so. To this point I must add what I always add,” akhon mone hochhe,kal nao hote pare…but akhon jeta mone hochhe setao to thik,genuine.”

Someone has finally stopped thinking and she is going by the instinct! There are obviously fleeting hesitations and reasons that argue but come on lets not give them a damn!!
And it's time to shut the Voices up (only if they don't agree with me, heehaw!)